Several changes, really.

There has come a time when we feel we have done all we needed to do, all we could do. There is only the hard waiting left. That’s how it is now.

Dennis has shown more signs of discomfort and some frustration, even when he can’t explain to us what he is feeling. Sleeping all day, and then sleeping all night, or trying to. Never being sure of what he’s seeing because nothing looks familiar. Not being sure whether his eyes are open or shut because either way things look crazy. No matter how carefully people move his body, he’s left feeling “like a piece of meat”. Being concerned about the meeting he was supposed to have with a client, and then being told that he is retired and doesn’t have to worry about work at all.

I can tell he is feeling puzzled when he gets that small wrinkle between his eyes and he stares at the ceiling, trying to figure things out. When asked how he’s doing, he most often answers that he is okay. Now, he has managed to tell me a few times that he is not doing so well.

He listens more than talks.

He stays alert for 10 minutes (max) and then has to sleep.

He still thinks about food, but says he is not really hungry.

His reflexes are diminishing, the usual rigidity is softening.

I don’t think he will be here much longer. I will miss him, but I will not miss his suffering. I don’t think he will miss it either.