There have been several poignant moments today. In one of them, I could tell that my LO (loved one, as they say in the support group) was feeling very emotional. He was standing listening to a song “All Is Well with My Soul” and was clearly losing his composure – this, in front of our good friends visiting from Florida. I hugged him and helped him sway to the music. We danced, or something close to that, for the remainder of the song. He was able to quiet himself and come to the breakfast table with us.
Later, we were meeting with our pastor over a matter of great concern to us both. I had promised him he could talk and tell the pastor whatever he wanted to tell him. They talked for 90 minutes. One of the things that came out was his remembrance that I had said he was not the man I thought he was, when I married him. He wanted to admit that he had not been fully present in some of his family duties. His evidence that I felt that way was that I referred to him in my writing as “the husband”, not by his name, Dennis. This was the first time I had heard this and I was a little shocked to learn how he felt about it. It is easily remedied and I will call him Dennis from now on.
The last thing on today’s list of new realities was hearing Dennis’s announcement of finding new articles proving the connection between electrical sensitivity and Lewy Body Dementia. Once again, he is alarmed anew, to the extent of experiencing “angina” across his chest. Our proximity to power lines is an imminent danger to him, to me, and to my family. Nothing anyone has said about this matter has changed his narrative. I’m wondering if this is what the support group refers to as “looping”.
I also read something alarming today. There is a statistic that says 40% of caretakers die before their patient does, for various reasons (neglect of their own health, stress, etc…). Although I aim to be among the 60% that don’t, I have to admit that it is stressful to repeatedly hear about how we are all in grave danger, on the road to self destruction if we don’t heed the warnings of my husband, Dennis.