An Uncomfortable Evening

Uncomfortable, but not uncommon. I think I did a fair job of not taking things too personally.

This is the fourth day of our visit to Dennis’s family in Pennsylvania. It has been a good time for us, overall. Today I am staying back at the house while Ron and Deanna take Dennis over to see his cousin Jim.  I have one of my 3 day headaches and this is the third day so I should be good by tomorrow.  I think it might have started because they only have decaf coffee here, but I’m not sure.

Last night was interesting. We had dinner out and were back at the house visiting – just the four of us- when Dennis started talking about his renewed plans to deal with the electricity issue.  He had talked with Steve Dietz earlier and explained his whole theory (which to him is no longer a theory but a fact) and Steve followed along to the point of making Dennis think he totally agreed and understood it all. As he talked about how the condo was killing him, all his symptoms, the people at Penn State he was going to consult with, etc… it got really weird. He talked and talked and talked, in a very flat affect, soft voice and we mostly just listened. Every now and then I would give him a question to answer to clarify some of his reporting, but I didn’t say much. 
And then it got into the personal stuff about how he was hesitant to take communion with me because we were supposed to “be one” and he could tell I was not completely supportive of his thinking, about me not letting him have his rightful authority. He reiterated his desire to go stay with Pam and Dale in Duluth (really bad idea) for a month or so because he was pretty sure two weeks of travel was not going to be enough to bring back all his faculties. Several times I gave opportunity to break it off because I was wondering if R and D were finding this interesting or uncomfortable.  I finally put the communion stuff away and told him I had to go to bed, that I loved him and that I wasn’t going to stop caring for him.  He quit and they all went to bed shortly after.
I am glad it happened this way for Ron and Deanna to understand what he does that is difficult for me.  I think they could see how hearing this over and over creates strain in our relationships, especially with me and with my mom when we were living with her.
This morning he wanted a hug right away, and later as he went out the door he said he was sorry for last night. The worst times are usually at night and I think this is what is meant by “sundowning” perhaps? Deanna gave me a hug too. I think it has been pretty clear to all that he is changed from his usual self in a pretty sad way. 

Sent from my iPad

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