We spent two weeks living in the travel trailer, in the Smith Meadow. On the Sunday we left, we made it to church and heard a sermon about Elijah. In the cave where he was resting/hiding, he heard God’s still, small voice telling him to go back to a dangerous place and trust God for protection. Dennis took that to heart and said “Let’s go back to the condo.”
There were other motivators, of course. He had started having difficulty keeping warm at night, to the point of becoming near panicked. He also felt isolated and a bit afraid when he was there alone. He had started worrying about bears, although none have been reported there for quite some time. He had started thinking that there was an electric fence somewhere close that was wreaking havoc with his eyesight and his hearing. Being there was getting old and of questionable value.
I called him a few hours after dropping him off at the trailer and asked how he was feeling. “Afraid,” he said. But he was feeling God wanted him to face his fears. I went out immediately and picked him up, along with a load of our most necessary stuff. We have been back in the condo now for three full days. Symptoms have come and gone and although he has tried to link them to high water tables, electric fields and beaver dams being rebuilt, he is beginning to be confused as to the actual cause. Each time he starts to educate me on what he thinks is happening, and runs into a wall because I cannot be convinced, he sits and prays. He renews his resolve to trust God and comes to tell me that he will try not to be afraid. He always acknowledges that being back in the modern, more convenient world is better than being in the meadow.
Yesterday we went back, briefly, to retrieve the last things from the trailer. He didn’t want to go, but made himself face his fears. He was amazed when I told him there was no electric fence. He was amazed when he was able to step up on the deck with good balance. He was amazed when he was able to help put a few things in the truck. He was amazed when he was able to walk out of the meadow on uneven ground, all the way to the main road. “This isn’t really such a bad place, is it?” He said that with conviction.
“No, it was nice in many ways, and I wouldn’t mind coming back for a night or two, now and then…” which is really how I feel. In many ways, I love the meadow. It is a beautiful place to watch God’s creation. But, for now, I am glad to be back to one life, in one place, one day at a time.
One thought on “Facing Fears”
Glad you are back home. If not perfect, it is more manageable. You are constantly in our thoughts and prayers.